look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You're like the curious george of whores
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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