after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
