Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
