I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Sex in the backyard? Check.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
