I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
