Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
