i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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