how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
