Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
