yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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