I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
