Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
