Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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