Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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