when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
