Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
