I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
