I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
