i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
