What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
