My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
