I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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