what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
foreskin is a definite game changer
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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