Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
