Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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