By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
