I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
