Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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