i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
