i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
