No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
