I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
