My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
