Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
