i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
