Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
