I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
