I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
