i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
