This girl is more easily done than said...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize