just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You were trust falling into bushes
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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