The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
