Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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