Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
