Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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