Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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