Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
