Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize