Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
