What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
