if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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