I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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