porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
