I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
