i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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