he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
