Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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