it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
