They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
