On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i was born a porn star she said
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
