I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
