Girls should come with a carfax report
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
