He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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