the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
