I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
