so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
