M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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