I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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