Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
