Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
