They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
