He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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