if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
