I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
