Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
