like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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