uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
