At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We just shotgunned beers for America
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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