we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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