I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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