my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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