I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
