cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize