I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
