but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize