My cat gives me a boner
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
