Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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