The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
